I’ve been solo in my apartment for a month! What a great accomplishment! The world did not end, but dang, what an adjustment. Scanning through my life, I’m not certain there was ever a moment that I was 100% on my own! That seems strange to me but I am finding out, it’s kind of a lonely venture!
When you are in a relationship or sharing quarters with someone, there is a shared responsibility and there is a socials aspect to the environment. I’m the youngest of seven children so for the first 18-20 years of my life, I was use to having people around! …now it’s kind of silent! And I’m crawling out of my skin, lol.
For most of my life I have literally gone through a roller coaster of being extroverted where I had to socialize and be around people but then there are times where I got too stimulated by people and crawled under a rock to be introverted. Then when I wanted to be social again…boom! I was social again. Being married was always a wall of separation between being openly social because you are generally social as a family unit… suddenly I’m thrusted into the personal social aspect… and I’m not sure I know how that is done anymore! I’m out of my element!
For the past month, It has been a slow process of moving my stuff. I have been reluctant to invite anyone over since the only thing I had in my living room was a coffee table, bean bag chair and a kneeling chair. I finally received the furniture I ordered, a sofa and a dining room table! I can invite people over! … but who? It’s been a month of very little social interaction (outside of work) and I’m not sure how to invite people over! LOL.
Strangely, most of the people that I am close to out here are female. I don’t want anyone to think I am inviting them over for dinner and a movie because I have anterior motives. I could invite a bunch of people over but… it’s an apartment! I have 4 dining room chairs an a couch. They may spill something or get crumbs on my couch or rug! I’ve been very meticulous about keeping things clean! I’m half joking about being meticulous about my cleaning, it’s just a joke that takes the edge of trying to figure out how to make a small gathering work.
Anyway, the first month of bills went smoothly. Financially, I am in the black! I’ve spend a good chunk of money on the basics that are needed for an apartment and I haven’t gone overboard on things. It’s also the holidays, so some money has gone out towards presents. I haven’t purchased anything for my siblings, or sent out cards or anything like that but what I would like to do is send letters out between now and early New Year. Much of my focus has been on myself and getting my house …err apartment, in order.
I’ve been bored to tears here and there. I know when I get home I have to make some sort of meal, I have to wash dishes, put things away and manage my food and necessity details. I have to make sure the bills are taken care of on a timely basis and taking care of everything leaves me with an hour or two here or there to… do nothing. I figured that hour or two would come in handy, I can relax, I can watch TV, I can do my studying… that i haven’t done. I can go to the gym…which I haven’t done. I can socialize..which I haven’t done. I’m not sure I am getting use to this!
I do know that there are various things I got involved in a few years ago that I’ve put off due to various reasons. A few years ago I tried to attend the “Green Drinks” monthly events, there was an occasional dharma talk/meditation thing. I am part of an Adventure Club! There were people who welcomed me at various events that I didn’t have time to attend. Maybe I need to get back into that?
Sorry if I sound crazy! This certainly has been a strange and stressful time in my life. I’m ready to engage again!