Have you not read Part I? (If not, click on the link for “Part I”.
I received some great feedback that I would like to address. “Jim” wonders have I really changed and perhaps I need to find someone who need me and hates to be without me. And Quixie brought up some good points: “1. may not have romantic feelings for you like you do her 2. may be hesitant due to your past history or 3. feel pressure from you for your relationship to be more than she’s comfortable with. Based on your description I’d say that both 2 and 3 are highly likely.”. I will both address those in the comments and either in Part II or Part III (depending on the length).
Part 2: …..I was planning a summer trip to see “her”. Should I give her a name? I’m not sure I did. I was planning to fly out instead of driving so I won’t be worn out from driving 11 or so hours. I planned to stay at a hotel nearby so our time would be our own. I asked her to take time off so we can spend more time together, she couldn’t. It was right around the 4th of July so she would have the day off. I’ve been planning my trips around her schedule so holidays kind of work the best.
The previous trip, I was separated but not yet divorced but we did get close. It was around that point I kind of wanted to know if she wanted me back in her life. So I asked her, if I was divorced, would we be in a relationship? It was a simple question but as she normally does, she protested “You’re fighting with me”. This is something you will come to realize is part of her MO (Modus Operandi). When the talk turns into feelings or emotions… ugh! She practically has a panic attack. I told her I was not fighting but wanted to know if this is something she wanted or not. It is something she wanted.
The July trip was different. I was officially divorced…and physically, it was as if never parted. She got an awesome back and shoulder rub, there was embracing and kissin’ and huggin’ [For the x-rated version, purchase the dvd, lol] (I’m kidding!). It was as if we picked up where we left off. We were two peas in a pod 🙂 Part of our randomness, we went to an amusement park because she wanted to go on the rides. I’m not sure about you but I haven’t been on a roller coaster since I was in my 20’s and I was more than content on the ground! That was one scary roller coaster but I was with her… it was great… except for the feeling that my body was going to jettison from the car and I was going to end up splattered on the ground somewhere. We had fun and right before she left… she wanted to go on the same roller coaster again, I declined but she said “but then I’ll have to do it alone”… so I.. relented… and still felt like I was going to end up as road kill on the park somewhere.
The last day of the trip, I wanted to see how she was feeling about the relationship…. ugh, big mistake. I was accused of fighting really quickly, I stated in a calm voice,“no I’m not, she was like “yes you are”, I was like “no I’m not”, she “yes you are”.. so we fought about who was fighting with who! I think we determined that we are not labeling things but we I think we agreed on “seeing” each other. But she didn’t speak to me for a week after I returned because we got into a fight(?!?!?!).
After the silent treatment, things seemed to pick up with us. We texted more and kept each other updated on our lives. Since I had made several trips out to see her, I started mentioning to her that for the sake of things being equitable, she should come to visit me. At the time of the discussion, I was in between places and looking at apartments yet still, the thought of her visiting me seemed out of her comfort zone. (I think Quixie has the right idea but I believe there is more to it). It was time to start planning my Thanksgiving trip which I planned around her Saturday off before Thanksgiving. I mentioned to her that anytime I visit, she never takes a day off and as a result, she is often over-tired and over-stressed. I appealed to her to take a day off. I think I put an emphasis on us spending a quality day together and she agreed! We have never been ones to stick to plans, we generally work together well when things are spontaneous. Knowing that I was taking her one day off, I leveled with her and told her that if there was any errands she needed to run, I don’t mind that Saturday be used for that purpose. If we are to get together, this will likely be how are Saturdays together would be anyway.
I arrived in New York on Friday (before Thanksgiving) and decide to stay at my sisters that evening. The next day I drove to pick her up. We ended up dropping her laundry off at the laundromat, going to the bank, going to a car dealership as she is in the market for a new car. I offered to do her errands with her as I really didn’t want to put everything she needed to do on the back burner and have the additional stress catching up to everything after I left. We went back to her place, had a tender moment, went for dinner and life was good. Sunday, she worked until 4pm so I went hiking with a friend. After the hike, my girl and I went to dinner and a movie. Things were going great!
Monday arrived and we planned to go to an Aquarium on Eastern Long Island which was an hour drive. On that drive, I started talking to her about where I live and places that I really enjoy. I kind of parlayed that into the idea that if she takes a vacation to visit me, we could do these things together. She often has a slip of the lip when I am least expecting it and while this was a “protest”, it gave me a clue into what she was thinking. She says “If we break up……” (Editors note: wait, are we officially dating??!?). I think she feels as though if we fight, she will feel trapped. I have to admit that the only things we squabble about are things she is afraid of, like discussing “feelings”. I’m glad she shared the thought. After the aquarium, we drove the hour west as I was taking her to Ruth’s Chris Steak house. We had a nice dinner despite a disturbance at the bar. Towards the end of dinner, she wasn’t feeling well, so I took her to her apartment and took care of her. Later on in the evening, I mentioned that things were going well for us and I don’t remember what set her off but I probably mentioned something about the relationship and she near had a panic attack. So I quickly backed off and just put my arms around her. I may not have mentioned it but since we met, she’s always has had an aversion to showing feelings. One of the things we fought about way back when was the wall she built up around herself. I will likely bring more of my thoughts into the mix in Part III.
To round up Part II, prior to the trip. The only days we were planning to see each other were Saturday, Sunday and Monday. She would be busy the rest of the days including Thanksgiving at her Brothers. I planned to fly my son in and pick him up on the airport on Tuesday so we could head up to my sisters house on Wednesday. I asked her if she would have dinner with my son and I Tuesday after I picked him up from the airport. I’m pretty sure she was uncomfortable but I did mention to her that if she was going to be part of my life, that she needs to be comfortable with my son. I also told my son prior to the trip that I too wanted him to be comfortable with her. We all had dinner together Tuesday night, I was extremely happy with that.
When I went to drop her off, she asked that I walk her to her door. She was crafty! She didn’t want to my son to see us giving the goodbye kisses 🙂
I’m assuming the final part will be Part III.