The day you were born, my life changed for the amazing! I held you, fed you and just didn’t want to be separated from you. I was careful when I brought you home, checked on you often in the middle of the night. I was careful of everything in your surroundings and kept you safe from harm. As the days and months went by, I tried to be diligent; if you didn’t cry in the middle of the night, an alarm rang inside my head and I would go into your room to make sure everything was all right.

I had to let go of you…

From day one, I knew you would not be dependent on me forever and with each passing day you were learning to become an independent person. How did this happen so fast?  Spoon feeding you changed to you feeding yourself. Holding your hand as you walked rather clumsy turned into, sometimes, chasing you around the house!  The day you were able to climb over the bars in your crib was one of the toughest days I can remember. What do I do now? I had to let go of my dependence of you, guide you the best I could so you would learn independence.

I had to let go of you…

You had a tricycle and then a bicycle and one day you took off on your own. You were brave, I was scared. Seconds seemed like minutes, minutes felt like hours and I probably found a little bit of anger inside. How dare you become independent!!! Soon you’ll want a car!

I had to let go of you…

Off to Nursery school and then… the bus to elementary school! Where I was worried those big kids might trample you! 🙂 But then there was Middle School and big kids 2 years your senior. Ack! High School after that! How will I keep you safe?

I had to let go of you…

You struggled with Math and I tried to help you along the way but I had to teach you how to handle things yourself and have the focus come from you. I have to teach you to use your mind and not mine. You need to learn the path on your own. I wanted to keep holding your hand but…

I had to let go of you…

There will come a day when I won’t be here for you or you won’t be here for me. I know you will find your way but frankly son, I’m lost.

I hope you remember our travels, our adventures in all conditions and weather. Hiking through the woods, sleeping in a tent, the sounds of coyotes, snorkeling in a pool, touring in a cave, Geocaching, visiting tall buildings in the biggest cities with rivers and oceans.

There will always be part of me that will never let you go and although I may not always be there for you, I hope the future brings you warm thoughts of our adventures together as you adventure with a little one of your own.

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