I have touched up on panic and anxiety in my past but I wanted to cover it in more detail and in part II, see what I did to draw a line in the sand and get beyond it.
Clump together a marriage, buying a house, fixing the house, having a new born, my mom suffering from cancer, then passing away, my dad died 7 months later. Mix in losing a great job and Sept 11, 2001, add the sale of my parents house and these were stressful times.
I took a job at half my previous salary and twice the stress. Each room in my house that was re-finished had various challenges hidden behind the sheetrock behind it. It was great being able to take a Saturday off and enjoy a street fair. In hindsight, I always had a bit of tightness in my chest but on this day I felt lightheaded. I sat down and was given food and drink and just didn’t feel any better. I noticed a few days later driving home from work and feeling out of sorts, perhaps Depersonalized (feeling detached from yourself) maybe it was lightheadedness. The next day at work as I sat there and started eating lunch, ZAP, it’s as though I was looking at myself from outside my body, full depersonalization! I felt like I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breath. I threw my lunch out and called my wife, asked her to pick me up from work.
A few days later I went to the emergency room, I was outside myself, feeling panic, feeling chest pain… I must for sure be having a heart attack? They attached me to these tubes so they can continuously take blood, they did an ekg, blood pressure and… I was actually feeling better. Prognosis.. nothing wrong with me. What??
I started going to a Cardiologist who was probably in his 70’s! I had a halter monitor, stress test, nuclear stress test and other tests done. My Cardiologist told me I was going to live a long time! lol
I noticed when I walked around the block, or to get ice cream or pizza, I would get to a certain point and start feeling panicky. We would be in the supermarket and I would start anxious, feeling better when I left.
For those who have gone through this, they know how debilitating it can be. I took atleast a week off of work at it’s worst. I had my wife drive me to work in between, even going across the street to my neighbors house was difficult and it was somewhat embarrassing when I explained to him my situation just in case I had to go. The chest pain, the heart racing, the fear of… everything. Even today, sometimes I am on the road and my skin crawls!
If you have read my blog, the story you may be familiar with is that I was at a store called Target when I started getting that anxious/panic feeling again…. [To Be Continued Next Blog]