I mentioned in a few of my original blogs, this would be my sandbox. It was my learning tool and hoped to have “community” involvement to discuss various Buddhism topics. Today, the topic is Ego. I’m not sure why I can’t fully grasp the topic of Ego. It seems very complicated. I would certainly like to do away with ego and treat every single person (Animal, Insect, Plant..etc) the same as me but the concept seems so far from what I have been doing my whole life.
It is even hard for me to detect my own Ego because I cannot 100% define it. I work with computers so each day I am faced with situations where I think an end user should know better (ie) than to download anything from the Internet. In the car I may think I have better driving skills than others, even in every day life I think people should have more common sense.. But in Buddhism, the very same people my ego arises for, are said to be my equals, they are the same as me. You have the young, the old, the infirm and various different personalities (and everything in between) — I judge people, how do I stop? How do I stop attaching labels? How do I recognize this and stop ego?
I brought this up the other day in class. You are on a job interview and you want the job but there are 100 other candidates vying for the same job. How could I not want the others to stumble? How could I not want myself to succeed? I know the correct answer is that we should hope everyone does well and thanks to the good Karma I have built up, I received the job offer. But if I don’t, I should be happy and that other person probably had the better Karma that day? Am I right in my thinking?
What else am I missing with Ego? I fully admit I don’t have a full grasp on this topic. There are probably examples that I do that are right under my nose that I am missing. Circle in the sand… What says you?
Story4today 
I define ‘ego’ in my mind, simply as over perceiving our existence. Grandiose cognitions and overrated concern for feeding our self pride and greed. We need a proportion of ego, but too much can falsify our personal relationship with society and others. It then becomes ugly and vain. To love ourselves is to become self aware and self realised. To be in love with ourselves is simply unhealthy
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I’d like to put my arm around everyone and view them as a friend I have known all my life but… why is that so hard for me?
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I doubt it is possible. We are too diverse to accept every persona and personality trait to meet. We need to like/dislike, judge/conceptualise, to allow evolution to continue in its paradoxical way. I accept my flaws. I accept everyone’s flaws. I also accept that some flaws I simply do not choose to be around. Diversity breeds growth
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I think our thoughts are similar, especially when you say ” I also accept that some flaws I simply do not choose to be around”. But what if I am unfairly judging these people? (sort of a Rhetorical question for myself) This is something I have to stop and think about.
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Continued analysis and self exploration is paramount I growth so I don’t think there are many negative things about the questions. I guess we simply have to accept that we are partly innate and partly conditioned. This leads to further identification of what we can, and cannot change lol 🙂
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When I started to become more aware of my ego, I thought this was the end goal too. Eventually, I shifted to cultivating respect for everyone, even if I didn’t also have that “friendly” feeling for them. I came to find that my connection stems almost exclusively from compassion and that friendship feeling I was actually looking for came from cultivating unconditional love, which I can have for anyone regardless of whether we feel connected as friends.
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You ask the best questions Dave. And in your posing the questions, you somehow offer insights. Thank you.
Here are just a few thoughts:
Ego is Greek for “I,” right?
The French word for the Ego is Le Je (The I).
Jumping from the etymology, how can it be applied to how ego exists and behaves in the world. The “I” can feel and be connected to a universal community of humankind, where it senses that most only survive and flourish when we respect and support each other. Or it (as an organism or being) is disconnected from others; having little to no sense of connection to others; seeing itself as separate, it generally thinks of its own survival and happiness. It has little to no empathy, due to this disconnection.
Another interesting by-product of reduced ego is openness to new, different ideas…which often leads to greater understanding and compassion, less fear and ignorance. Interestingly, children, especially those raised in moderate to high income homes where basic needs are met, demonstrate so well the benefits of minimal and reduced ego.
It is difficult to do, because it requires the ability to be wrong, gauche and ignorant. Doing so may make some feel unworthy to parent, lead, manage, etc.
Well, that’s where you question led me. I’d like to hear more thoughts from you on why it’s such a mystery.
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Thanks Dave! and thank you for your thought provoking response. That’s what I want, to be “connected to the Universal community” but in the past, I have often felt disconnected which could be why I have lacked some empathy in certain situations. I was my own little bubble.
In the past I had high expectations of others, I was attached to those expectations. I probably wasn’t willing to be wrong, I was probably gauche… which, yeah, showed my ignorance. All from the Ego, if I am not mistaken?
Even before I started learning about Buddhism, I think I hit the wall. The wall that I broke through and decided to be open to new ideas. I was going on adventures with the South Bend Adventure club, meeting new people. I went to a Buddhism class, then to get more sense of “Community” or as you put it “connected to the Universal community”, I started going to the UU in South Bend.
My philosophy has always been similar to Buddhism but I lacked the discipline of the mind. With discipline, Buddhism has helped me open the mind.
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